


Memories Don't Die

by OneMoreDaytoBeWicked



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, At one point, Bucky takes care of Steve, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Kid Bucky Barnes, Kid Steve Rogers, Love Confession, M/M, Mild Angst, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Their In Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 07:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10509213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneMoreDaytoBeWicked/pseuds/OneMoreDaytoBeWicked
Summary: When Steve felt at his worst it was nice to just have Bucky there to keep him company and lift his spirits.***Steve remembers  a couple of important times in the start of their relationship while he waits for the procedure to remove the trigger words from Bucky.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoy the fic! 
> 
> Come check out my [Tumblr](http://bjorn--ironside.tumblr.com/) ! Come say hello!

**1932**

The first time Steve could remember feeling something other than platonic feelings towards Bucky it was around 1932; he was about fourteen. He’d been bedridden and sick. Bucky basically had to beg Steve’s mom to let him keep an eye on Steve while she went to work. He had to promise not to get too close to him. Of course,once she was off to work the two of them were sitting side by side on Steve’s bed. Bucky was animated as he spoke of what Steve had missed during school. When Steve felt at his worst it was nice to just have Bucky there to keep him company and lift his spirits. Plus, whenever he needed something Bucky would get it for him making a big point about Steve needing to rest.

“I can get my own water,” he’d argued moving to get out of bed.

“Not today, Stevie,” Bucky said easily, pushing the skinnier boy back against the pillows. Bucky slipped out of bed and turned to face him. “Your ma told me to take care of you while she’s gone. So I’m gonna get you your water,” He’d turn and race out the door to kitchen.

Steve watched him go before looking up at the ceiling, bored. His mother had taken the sketch pad he’d gotten for his birthday saying that he’d get it back once he was doing a bit better, insisting he needed to rest up. Everything she did was out of love and Steve knew that. Besides, that’s why Bucky was here-- to keep him company.

His eyes fluttered shut as he waited for his friend to come back. The creak of the wood in the hallway announced Bucky’s approach down from the short hall. Steve sat up opening his tired eyes and looked towards his friend who beamed a bright grin at him. With a smile like Bucky’s it was hard for anyone not to want to smile in return. 

“See? You got to rest and have your water,” Bucky said as he handed him his water then climbed back on the bed. 

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Buck,” he said quietly before taking a long sip of his drink.

“Anytime.”

After a couple minutes Steve and finished the drink and Bucky had placed the empty glass on the floor next to the bed. His friend had resumed talking Steve’s ear off. Not that he minded, he was tired and hearing the constant chatter of Bucky talking to him was just what he needed to not feel so alone. Eventually his head leaned on the other boy’s shoulder, which wasn’t unusual for the two of them to be leaning on each other all the time. But this time Steve realized how nice it was to have him to lean on in many ways. Fourteen year-old Steve would’ve stayed there in that moment forever if he could. 

***

**1938**

It took a couple years, well six years, before the two of them finally realized they had feelings for each other. Steve sat on the counter of their shared apartment looking away from Bucky. He was tired and sore. He’d picked a fight with another rude guy. If it hadn’t been for his best friend he’d be in a worse condition. Not like he’d admit that aloud. He looked over to him when he heard the faucet shut off and watched Bucky silently wring out the extra water from the rag.

Bucky finally approached him and Steve closed his eyes, holding still as Bucky began to help clean up Steve with the cold rag. He winced at a particularly sore scratch on his cheek and wasn’t even sure how he got, probably when his face got up close and personal with the brick wall in the alley.

“Thanks for saving my ass back there,” Steve mumbled, finally.

Bucky had already begun cleaning his bloody knuckles. “I’m your best friend, it’s part of the job,” he paused after that. “Besides, I can’t have you bleedin’ out in some alley.” 

Steve let out a humorless laugh. He wanted to point out that he didn’t have to do that just because he was his best friend, but he kept quiet. The only good thing about after a fight was Bucky taking care of him. The other man worrying about him afterwards. He wouldn’t be surprised if he tried picking him up and carrying him home one of these times. 

“You really gotta stop pulling this shit though,” Bucky said setting the rag aside now that he’d finished cleaning him up. 

“Yeah, yeah I’ll try Buck-- just as soon as I grow as big and strong as you,” Steve quipped.

“No, I’m serious, Rogers. I won’t be able to stop you from getting your ass kicked each time. Next time the fight could be worse.”

Steve looked down frowning. “It won’t get worse. You’re just worrying over nothin’.”

“You don’t know that. What if you end up dead in some alley because you picked a fight with someone you shouldn't fight? What am I going to do then?” His voice sounded strained.

Steve met Bucky’s gaze, holding it until he couldn’t handle the intensity. “That’s _not_ gonna happen. You don’t need to worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“I know I don’t have to, but I do ‘cause I love you,” Bucky said. 

Steve’s mouth fell open in shock. He met Bucky’s eyes and tried to get some read on what the other man was thinking. Did he mean it in the way that Steve thought he did? Were those tears? Shit, was he really that worried for him? Without thinking, Steve grabbed the collar of his friend’s shirt and pulled him down the short distance into a kiss. When he realized what he’d done, Steve pulled back and hopped off the counter and past Bucky.

“I’m sorry, Buck. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry,” he said unable to face him. His face heated with embarrassment. Walking away from him in the kitchen part of the room he headed into the kitchen not even sure what he was trying to do. Distance himself, probably. It wasn’t like he could run far in this apartment and he couldn’t just leave.

“Steve,” Bucky called out as he started after him. “Steve wait.”

He looked back at his friend. He didn’t look mad, like he was going to kick him out on the curb. “God, I’m sorry, Bucky. I won’t do it again. I swear.”

“I’m not mad, Steve. I meant what I said.”

Steve was stunned. “You really mean it?”

A smile broke out of Bucky’s face. “Of course I meant it.” 

He raced towards him wrapping his arms around the man’s waist. Had he been a bit bigger and stronger he would have sent them tumbling to the ground. Feeling his roommate’s arms wrap around his small frame, he smiled. His head rested near Bucky’s shoulder. Steve couldn’t believe that Bucky meant it. Pulling back some, Bucky opened his eyes and looked down at him. Removing his arms from around him Steve pulled him by the collar into a kiss. The fact that Bucky was actually kissing him back was something he’d never imagined. Not that he ever thought he’d kiss Bucky--until he did. He half wondered if this was all just a dream and that he’d gotten knocked out in that fight. No, it had to be real. 

They pulled back for air and Steve pressed his forehead against Bucky’s shoulder and gave a breathless laugh. He really could get used to this.

***

**Present Day**

It finally happened. They’d figured out how to cure Bucky. Steve couldn’t explain it. Hell, he could barely comprehend it when they told him. It was happening though. Now, he finally understood the fear Bucky felt all those years when Steve had picked fights--it was the same fear that something might go wrong and that he’d lose Bucky. The fear overwhelmed him. It was all he could think about. At least then Bucky could save him, take him home, and clean him up knowing he’d be safe. 

And now Steve was forced to just sit and wait. Well, at least he wasn’t alone. Wanda sat beside him flicking through some magazine. He broke out the rest of the team, but Wanda and Sam were the ones staying with them in Wakanda. Clint and Scott had both been sent to safe houses to be with their families. Sam had been sitting with him for the first few hours but had now gone down to the cafeteria to get the three of them something to eat--saying something about how just because he was a superhero didn’t mean he was going to let his friend starve himself waiting for results.

“He’ll be OK Steve,” Wanada spoke up not looking up from the magazine. It wasn’t hard to know what he was thinking. 

“What if they don’t fix his mind and he has to go back under cryo,” Steve said leaning forward in his seat, hands clasped. 

“They will, if not this time the next time. They’ll figure something out.”

Steve didn’t want there to be a next time. He wanted him to be fixed now. Bucky shouldn’t have to go back to the cryo. He’d spent 70 years on and off in the cryo. It wasn’t the life he deserved. He deserved better and he was going to make sure he got that. “What if he never gets his memory fully back, what if some details from our life together are gone?” He knew she didn’t have the answer or at least not the one he was looking for. 

“If that happens then I guess you’ll just have to make new memories, that’s all you can do keep going,” she said offering him a smile.

Things really had changed now she was the one giving him advice. It was crazy what a few months could do. He was grateful that at least she had something to tell him. His attention broke away from their conversation when he heard a nurse coming down the call and call his name out. Looking up he was practically halfway out of his seat.

“Mr. Barnes is in recovery, you can go down and see him now,” she said politely. 

“Thank you so much.” Steve turned to Wanda, who was urging him to go. “Tell Sam I’ll grab some lunch later,” he said. 

Wanda laughed quietly before saying, “You better. We’ll check up on you later then.”

Heading down the hall, he’d been told beforehand what room Bucky would be in during recovery when they also informed him about the procedure. Which Steve still didn’t quite understand but from what he could tell there wouldn’t be any actual surgery. It was something else he couldn’t even quite describe. 

The door was partially open when he got there. He lightly tapped his knuckle on the door. “Hey Buck,” he said quietly as he entered the room shutting the door behind him. 

The long haired brunet looked up at him, he looked tired Steve could see it in his eyes, but he smiled at him. “Hey Steve,” he said quietly. 

Going into the room more he pulled a seat closer to the bed. “How are you feeling,” he asked reaching a hand over giving Bucky’s remaining hand a light squeeze. T’Challa said that once the procedures were over and they knew for sure that the trigger words wouldn’t cause him to turn into the winter soldier he’d have his scientists begin working on a new arm for Bucky. Until then his boyfriend would just have to make due with the one arm.

“Tired.”

“I can leave if you want and let you rest,” he offered, moving to stand when Bucky grabbed his wrist. 

“No, please stay,” he said.

Sitting back down, he relaxed. Bucky wanted him to stay, that was something at least. “Have they tested to see if it worked?” he asked with a hopeful voice.

But Bucky just shook his head. “They’re waiting till I’ve rested a bit before they try anything out.” They both knew that Steve would want to be there while they tested it. Not only there for moral support but also just that slight chance that it didn’t work and that Bucky would become the winter soldier they’d need Steve there to help bring him back. 

“I’m glad actually,” he admitted. “I want to be there when they test it out.”

Steve sat and spoke with him for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. He left only for a short while because he knew if he didn’t eat some lunch, he didn’t want to have to fight off Wanda and Sam’s attempt to shove a sandwich down his throat--with her powers, no doubt they’d win. He chuckled at the thought.

He returned later to continue talking with Bucky, even sneaking in some food that he had requested. After that, they just talked, just like old times, but with the tables turned. Nothing came up about their relationship and Steve was practically bouncing all over the walls on the inside wanting to ask him if he remembered. He couldn’t be too forward when he finally brought it up. Maybe Bucky wouldn’t remember or maybe seventy years would be enough time for Bucky to change his mind. But besides that it was nice having Bucky back. Hell, it was better than nice it was a miracle. His friend didn’t have to say anything much in return all he had to do was talk and keep him company.

***

The next day they tested the trigger words. Steve sat nervously watching. He kept himself in line of sight of Bucky while in the room. 

The doctor read the trigger words from a list. Drip by drip. Word by word. Steve’s palms grew damp. Would the doctor hurry up already? Silently, telling him from their distance that he’d be fine and cured.

It worked. _The procedures worked._

After doing a few more check-ups to make sure that nothing had been damaged during the procedure, Bucky was released. Still Bucky made no mention of recalling their relationship. Hell, if he remembered, he sure wasn’t showing it. Steve made up his mind, he’d ask about it. He wasn’t sure how he was going to do it or how he’d get the conversation there.

They were sitting in the cafeteria about a month after the procedure, and they’d both just finished a good lunch. Steve was dying to start asking questions. He’d wanted to give him some time just in case Bucky remembered.

“Alright, spit it out, Stevie.”

Caught off guard he looked at him surprised. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve looked nervous all throughout lunch, the last time you were this nervous you were waiting to see if the procedure worked,” he said. Bucky knew him too well. He could read Steve like an open book. Some people could barely manage anything close to that with him.

“Okay, I’ve been dying to ask you about this since you came out of the cryo,” he started. “Do you remember us?” 

Bucky looked at him, completely confused. “What do you mean? Of course I remember us, Steve.”

“No, no I mean like...we dated or I mean technically, we still are. Neither of us broke it off before we both got separated during the war,” he said, clearly rambling nervously now. 

“Of course I remember that, I could never forget something like that,” his voice had gone softer.

“Then, why haven’t you said anything?” 

Bucky shrugged, “I saw you kiss Sharon and just I thought that it was over. I knew I couldn’t put up much of a fight to get you back and that even if I tried I’d already lost you.”

He couldn’t believe what he heard. Reaching over he took Bucky’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together. “My kiss with Sharon shouldn’t have happened. I don’t know what I was thinking when I did that. You are what matters most to me, Buck. I’ve gone through hell and back to keep you safe and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” He offered him a smile before saying, “Like you said, I’m with you till the end of the line.” 

Steve barely had a moment to look up at him before he was hauled into an attempt at a hug from how they were sitting. Pulling back Steve stopped for a minute and pressed a gentle kiss to Bucky’s lips. He couldn’t believe that he’d waited this long to ask him about this. Both their suffering over the topic could have been ended the moment they got Bucky out of cryo. At least now they had each other and that was all they needed to be happy. 


End file.
